Losing Control
by HM72FanFic
Summary: Spoiler alert: Refers to recent events (S6) Regina has separated from the Evil Queen but the memories still haunt her dreams. When those dreams become increasingly vivid and sinister she finds she can't cope alone and she must try to overcome the disturbing visions with the help of her family, particularly Emma. SwanQueen/ Rated T - some non-graphic fantasy violence/ Enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1: Sleep Well

_**Disclaimer: Once Upon A Time and its characters are the property of ABC/Disney and their creators**_

 _ **Note: Special thanks to POTC misty potter temple for opinions.**_

 _The clock tower above the Storybrooke free public library struck eleven o'clock in the distance as the last of the patrons left the Rabbit Hole Bar. Their loud drunken laughter echoing through the crisp night air was the only sound to be heard as the moon continued its nightly journey over the sleeping seaside town. A cat startled by the raucous voices bolted across the road and through an alleyway transecting the chain of small store fronts and emerging near a junction closer to the more affluent part of town. An attractive creature of fine pedigree, the cat appeared more suited to this area. With a flick of her featherlike tail she trotted off down Mifflin Street._

 _A quiet mewing caught Regina's attention. She lay upon satin sheets and had been staring at the ceiling for the better part of an hour trying to no avail to get some sleep. The mewing continued to distract her until, with an exasperated sigh of defeat, she sat up and got out of bed. Trying desperately not to wake Emma she crept across the room to the door and headed downstairs towards the front door. Whilst fumbling to find the lock she slid her bare feet into one of the pairs of shoes below the coat rack. As the door opened the family cat, a Maine Coon by the name of Cassie, greeted her owner with a chirp, sauntered into the house, and disappeared into the darkness as she climbed the stairs. Regina followed with a smile – she knew she slept more easily with Cassie at her feet. Sure enough, after climbing carefully back into bed and settling down beneath the quilt she was lulled softly to sleep by the rhythmic purring of the cat and Emma's slow, steady breathing._

 ** _"They sent me away to find them a fortune,_**

 ** _A chest filled with diamonds and gold…"_**

The sun is rising over the mountains as a young woman looks out over the shadowy palace gardens from a high balcony. She shields her eyes from the glare as the first rays of the morning sun illuminate her face. Glowing with wonder, her face is framed  
by dark, chocolate brown hair which flows down over her left shoulder to her waist in waves of subtle tones of black, brown and mahogany. I recognise her as myself – younger and dressed extravagantly but recognisable nonetheless. Her expression shows  
a then rare glimpse of innocence which would make my father proud and my mother disgusted. I always loved watching the sunrise. I would sometimes wake early with my father to watch the morning breathe life into the often stark, harsh-looking landscape  
surrounding the palace. Despite the dark, brooding persona which I used the glamour myself, I was still but a child at heart. I had been forced to grow up so quickly that my childhood remained unfinished in many ways. I became Queen at the tender  
age of 18 and widowed (by my own actions) at 24. However there is no denying the suffering this woman's reign has caused. In the distance smoke tells of the smouldering villages on the horizon. A cruel smile slithers across her face. Seeing myself  
like this makes me realise exactly how different I am from the woman I see before me. She truly has earned her title. She is the Evil Queen.

A familiar voice interrupts my train of thought. "Admiring the view are we, dearie?"

The Queen turns to see Rumplestiltskin standing by the archway leading to the balcony. I forget exactly how unnerving the green-gold skin and eyes are in realms where they manifest themselves as such. In Storybrooke the lack of innate magic gives him  
a more human appearance.

"As a matter of fact I was, yes. Care to join me?" She replies darkly, that same cruel smile lingering on her face.

"Sadly we don't have time for that. You've been getting complacent, Your Majesty." He spits mockingly. "Terrorising settlements and killing your subjects is all well and good but it's worthless if don't make progress!" I can see his eyes gleaming with  
measured frustration. His only ticket to the land without magic is not working the way he had planned. He springs towards her, clearing the substantial gap between them in one swift, sudden motion. She flinches.

"Since when did you care about the way I treat the kingdom? Thus far your only interest has been in my magic-"

"Or lack thereof…" Rumple taunts.

The Queen pauses, all but daring him to utter another word. "Why should my other activities concern the Dark One? You sound like my mother."

"Ho-ho we are throwing the insults this morning aren't we?" He chuckles with unashamed glee. "I want you to get your revenge as much as you do darling, but you're so-called 'interrogations' are proving somewhat futile. In order to attain true power you  
must eliminate Snow White. You must ensure that your subjects are loyal to you and only you."

Something is not right. Unlike my usual memory-based dreams I recall this particular day playing out very differently. It was nearing spring and my father tried to persuade me to celebrate my birthday with a quiet walk in the forest. I refused. I regretted  
it.

I feel as though I am looking through a kaleidoscope as the scene is constantly, subtly changing. What little colour there is is just a little too vivid, a little too bright. And Rumplestiltskin is acting strange. Then again, acting strange is normal  
for him… isn't it?


	2. Chapter 2: Preparations

**Hey there guys ^_^ sorry for the short chapter but with content planned for the next one it felt better to end it there and put the next bit in its own chapter. Thanks again to POTC misty potter temple for feedback. It'd be great to hear your thoughts too if you get time! :)**

 **H xx**

 ** _The house was awake with shadows and monsters,_**

 ** _The hallways they echoed and groaned._**

 _Regina shifted in her sleep and moaned softly. Cassie stretched her paws out and yawned before ambling closer to Regina's face. Her whiskers brushed her owner's eyelids gently as she sniffed her cheek. This seemed to work as the frown upon her face dissipated and her shoulders relaxed slightly._

The Queen's father bows as he leaves to prepare the carriage for his daughter's journey to Longbourne. She watches him scurry away before turning to her large, ornate mirror. With a wave of her hand the mirror distorts and reshapes to show a map of the kingdom, with the Dark Palace in the northwest corner and Longbourne in the east. She traces the route onto the map with her finger. A dark purple line follows the tip of her finger as it trails across the surface of the mirror, twisting this way and that, touching several small villages and transecting some of the darkest parts of the forest before reaching the sea at Longbourne. As the line reaches the town it is circled by what looks like a small ring of twisted gold. I can see from the Queen's face that she feels the same pang of longing that I do.

"Feeling sentimental?" She turns, trying to hide her embarrassment. Rumplestiltskin stands by the dresser looking mischievous. He takes a step towards her. Self-consciousness turns to anger as he giggles at her and she moves closer to him, her face reddening with rage. Before she can retort Prince Henry shuffles into the room.

"Your carriage is ready my dear," he says quietly, avoiding eye contact and keeping his head down. The Queen turns on her heel and strides down the hall. Shadows flicker across her face as, aided by magic, she sweeps along the darkened corridor. In this flickering torchlight the stark contrast of highlights and darkness throws shapes across her features in a way that contorts them into unnatural, disturbing forms. Only when she emerges into the courtyard does the smoother light once again illuminate her in a more flattering way. As promised the carriage is waiting, lavishly decorated and borne by four mares the colour of obsidian. Henry opens the door as his daughter gracefully takes her seat. The four guards standing by the carriage remain motionless as Rumplestiltskin vanishes into a green-gold vapour which fades to indigo as Henry takes his place next to the Queen. He calls out to the driver (another guard) and the carriage moves off.


	3. Chapter 3: The Village

**Hey guys ^_^ As promised this one is a little long than the last. Things start to get a little more interesting here. Enjoy the chapter and once again thanks to POTC misty potter temple for opinions and for listening to my ramblings.**

 **H xx**

 _Regina jolted in her sleep. Violently enough to wake Emma, who usually slept like the dead. Bleary eyed and unsure of what it was that woke her she strained her eyes to see in the near total darkness of the bedroom the nearest street lamp had just recently been smashed by a Frisbee while Henry and David were playing with Pongo so it was unusually dim on this part of the street. Cassie, who had also being woken by Regina, was staring indignantly at the brunette as she slept. She batted the quilt with one paw. Emma smiled and scooped up the cat, gently tapping her nose. "Let her sleep, puss, she needs it," she whispered. This seemed to satisfy Cassie as she flexed her back to bare her belly, which Emma tickled playfully with her free hand. Now almost fully awake, Emma glanced at the clock on the nightstand. One thirty. Too early for coffee, even for Emma. Cocoa it is. She slipped out of the bed and padded down the stair quietly, her loose fitting nightshirt grazing the middle of her thighs as she walked. She left Regina sleeping upstairs._

 ** _I sat alone in bed 'til the morning,_**

 ** _I'm crying "They're coming for me…"_**

The Queen emerges from the carriage in a small hamlet an hour's journey from the palace. At her request the guards have gathered the residents near the well in the centre of the ring of houses. She struts towards a man who is holding a small basket of vegetables and does not come to a halt until she is a hand's breadth from his face. She lingers for a moment, inhaling deeply as though she is feeding on his discomfort. Then, rather suddenly, she turns away slightly and addresses the small crowd haughtily.

"People of the enchanted forest – or at least," she sneers, "this quaint little thicket – as some of you may know the outlaw, Snow White has been sighted in these parts recently. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" Her honeyed tone does not fool the villagers. "Fine, fine feign ignorance; you all seem well versed in the art of idiocy. It's really quite simple: you tell me where she is, I won't have every single one of your pitiful little homes razed to the ground!" She is spitting her words like a viper, every syllable intended to wound her victims, to batter them into submission.

A small voice permeates through the throng of people. I recognise it. "Why are you doing this? We didn't do anything to you," a teenage boy barely sixteen years old emerges from behind the man with the basket. My heart stops. I see my son standing before the Queen, daring her to answer.

"Why, isn't it obvious, dear?" She says as she leans forward to meet his eyes, "I want Snow White's head on a plate," she grabs his chin, "and I always get what I want." She pushes him back by his jaw and straightens up. She turns away and begins to pace in front of the crowd before turning her head slightly and speaking in a slightly softer tone. "What is your name, child?"

"Henry. My name is Henry." I feel a jolt of pride seeing his familiar defiance. Then I see her face. One corner of her mouth is raised in an evil smile. She spins to face Henry. She looks straight at me and laughs. With a flick of her head she draws me closer and, in hideous reversal of our separation, she draws me into herself. Our bodies merge like two pieces of melting iron, white hot and pliable. And the pain! I hear my own screams as though they are someone else's and I can smell something acrid like burning flesh.

Her vision becomes my own as she walks… as I walk towards my son. I grab his throat and lift him off the ground. I feel a cold tingling sensation in my fingers as magic surges from my hand through his body. Unable to control my actions, unable to scream, unable to help him, I watch him convulse in my grasp. Out of the corner of my eye I see another familiar face. Emma is pushing through the crowd, her determined eyes fixed on Henry. She reaches him just moment too late as he falls limp and my hand releases his throat. He falls at my feet, motionless. Emma throws herself to the ground and drapes herself over his lifeless body. I regain control of my body. I try to take a step towards them but Emma moves like a lynx, throwing herself at me in a blaze of fury and shaking me by the shoulders.

"How could you?!" She screams at me, ignoring my pleas. "You monster! He's just a child! He's your _son!_ " Mine are the only tears falling faster than her own. She does not notice. "Answer me Regina! Why? Regina!"

 _Regina woke screaming. Emma was shaking her. Panicking, calling her name. Regina backed away for a moment before taking in her surroundings. The room was illuminated by a bedside lamp. Cassie stood at the foot of the bed, her tail bushy with shock. Upon realising she was safe Regina allowed Emma to pull her closer and resigned herself to sobbing into her fiancée's shoulder. Emma did not speak. She simply held Regina as she wept, stroking her hair soothingly and kissing the top of her head._


	4. Chapter 4: Just a Dream

**Hi guys, this one is longer than the last (as promised) and takes place outside of the dream. I tried to show Regina's more vulnerable side here but, with her being so independent usually, it was a bit of a challenge. If you have any feedback/advice it'd be much appreciated XD**

 **Thanks again to POTC misty potter temple for listening to my ramblings ;)**

 **Enjoy**

 **H xx**

 ** _I tried to keep these secrets inside me,_**

 ** _My mind's like a deadly disease…_**

 _After what felt like hours Regina's tears subsided, though whether it was from calming down or from dehydration neither woman knew. She stayed curled up in Emma's arms, periodically sniffing quietly until Emma's finger unto her chin encouraged her to raise her head._

 _"_ _What happened?" The younger woman asked gently, the concern etched onto her face. "I woke up earlier and couldn't get back to sleep so I read for a while and then you just started screaming." The memory of seeing Regina in pain was almost enough to bring Emma to tears. Regina shifted into a more comfortable position and rested her head on Emma's chest._

 _"_ _Henry. I… I watched him die. We were in the woods and he… he was dead. It felt so real," she whispered, still hoarse from screaming. She pulled her knees to her chest and rocked slightly. Emma drew her closer and tried to reassure Regina that Henry was safe with the Charmings, he stayed there every Saturday night to give his mothers a night to themselves. Unable to placate her fiancée, Emma glanced at the clock and, upon realising that it was six o'clock already, picked up the phone and called her parents. They would still be asleep but this couldn't wait. Regina needed to hear Henry's voice and, at thought of harm coming to him, so did Emma. The dialling tone sounded. It was David who answered._

 _"_ _Hey, Emma," he murmured, his voice blurred by sleep. He sounded surprised, and a little worried. "What's the matter? Are you okay?"_

 _"_ _Is Henry there?" She sounded desperate. David was panicking now, Emma rarely sounded so vulnerable. Not since she and Killian had broken up._

 _"_ _Yes of course he's here, what's wrong?"_

 _Emma explained to him what Regina had told her about the dream and he understood. He and Snow had been haunted by similar visions of Emma and Henry when they had been in New York. He woke Henry and passed the phone to him. Emma put the handset on speaker so Regina could hear too._

 _"_ _Hey moms, what's up?" He yawned as he spoke. Regina almost burst into tears again with relief. Emma was secretly overwhelmed too._

 _"_ _Hey kid how you doing?" She tried to sound calm, as though she was asking him what he wanted for dinner. It didn't work._

 _"_ _Are you guys okay? Grandpa sounds kinda freaked out." David protested in the background._

 _"_ _Your mom just had a nightmare. We're fine she just needed to talk to you," Emma glanced down at Regina who was regaining some composure. "Is that okay?" Regina took his silence as one of agreement._

 _"_ _Hey, Henry," she croaked. He had never heard her sound quite so helpless. Regina was trying to be strong, to be brave for him. She couldn't tell him what she had really seen. She couldn't tell anyone. As far as they were aware the Evil Queen was no longer part of her. To an extent that was the truth. That small part of her had no control over her when she was awake, but as soon as she fell asleep her dreams were tainted by the Queen's thoughts. It had been getting gradually worse but this had shaken her to her core._

 _She spoke with Henry for a little while longer, just about everyday things as though they were chatting over breakfast. Then she let him go back to sleep before thanking David and hanging up the phone. She turned to Emma and gave her a weak, grateful smile. She pulled the quilt up to her chin and laid back against the headboard with a sigh. Emma had brought her a mug of cocoa with a stick of cinnamon in it. Regina used to mock her fiancée's drink of choice but she had warmed to it. Particularly at times like this it brought her comfort, spreading warmth through her body without the heightened sensitivity and anxiety brought by the caffeine kick of coffee. She picked up the mug from the nightstand and cradled it in her hands. She turned her head to see Emma doing the same, her eyes flickering in and out of sleep. Regina set her own mug down and scooped Emma's out of her hands so she didn't spill it on herself (after all, she'd done it several times before – and each time she was met with a raised eyebrow and a comment of "nicely done, saviour" or "this is why I make the potions, you'd wipe out a whole kingdom"). The thought make her chuckle, more heartily than she intended. Emma opened one eye to see what had amused her so much and saw her blush. Regina was about to explain but was spared the embarrassment by Cassie's loud crying. Time to get up._


End file.
